Selected Scriptures
Ps Paul Cheng
“…no one seems to question its implications or dangers…”
~6 min read
Dear Bethelites,
Today, you can hardly find a young person who has not experienced dating or at least knows someone who has. Modern-day dating is so commonly practised amongst young people, yet surprisingly almost no one seems to question its implications or dangers, if any. Often we hear people ask, “Who are you dating or are you dating someone?” instead of, “Should we be dating or is it wrong to date?”
Most recently, I cannot help but to notice some new young people attending our church and at that same time our own children are also growing so rapidly. It was as if only yesteryear they were just adolescents and then all of a sudden they are in their teenage years already. Several years ago, I preached to the Young People’s Group (YPG) on this topic of “Modern Day Dating.” I think it is extremely vital for us to revisit this topic to help both parents and young people to understand God’s way of bringing two people together and the dangers of the modern idea of dating.
A typical example of a modern idea of dating is when a boy meets a girl. They become attracted to each other; perhaps the girl has a cute smile, is beautiful and fashionable or the boy is handsome, has a good physique, nice voice and hangs out with “cool friends”, or has a good job and drives a sports car. The boy is prompted to ask the girl out on a “date” and if the girl says, “yes,” it would probably mean a dinner, and be followed by a movie show. If everything goes well, in some cases, the boy would take the girl to a secluded place and they would be engaged in some kisses and worst still, be engaged in some immoral activities. The common understanding is that “nice girls” would not do those things on the first date, and they would wait until the second, third, fourth or subsequent dates. In reality, it is a delaying game. At some point, the boy might give the girl a ring or a necklace as sort of an assurance that he would not date anyone else. But when someone better comes along, he can still break the relationship by making it clear to the other party through emails or by word of mouth. In past years, people would use the phrase “going steady” instead of “dating” but it spells the same meaning; to put it bluntly, they may not be attached legally but most certainly emotionally and at times, sexually as well. In Australia, amongst college and high school students, this modern trend is aided by the internet, Facebook, chat-rooms, parties and clubs.
The moment this shallow commitment is called off, there will be heartache, bitterness, anger, depression and most sadly, even suicide. After several of such failed “dates,” these young men and women would feel that they have grown up, experienced and having been trained by this lost culture, they are now ready for marriage. Do we really believe that this is training for marriage? It sounds more like training for divorce! This culture of going from one relationship to another has become such a norm that it has inevitably affected many marriages which ended up in divorces. Apart from the perils of divorce, another most terrible thing has been lost and that is, purity.
Let us put aside men’s opinions and look into the Word of God for our final authority, consider the first account in Genesis 2:18-24 and see what God had originally intended for Adam and Eve. How did God set up the marriage plan in the beginning?
I. God Recognized Man’s Need
God is the Creator and all things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made (Jn 1:3). After God had created all the creatures, He blessed them that they be fruitful and multiply (Gen 1:22, 28), but what about Adam? God did not create Adam, place him in the garden and then leave him on his own. God was concerned about what he would be doing on a daily basis and most vitally, his needs, that is why God said, It is not good that the man should be alone (Gen 2:18a).
The same is true about us today. God who has brought us into this world and called us to be His children, is also concerned about our lives. He knows everything about us, and He recognizes our desires and needs.
II. God Set Out To Meet Man’s Need
God said, I will make him an help meet for him (Gen 2:18b). God saw that Adam was alone and it was not good for him to be alone in the garden, and He made him a help meet. Isn’t it wonderful that not only is God concerned about us and recognizes our needs, but He will also supply our needs?
God knew what was best for Adam and He provided. He did not even tell him of His plan. The problem with many people is that they want to know how God would supply their needs and they want to know it right now. That is not the way God works. You simply trust in Him that He recognizes your needs and He will supply your needs according to His sovereign time and will.
III. God Provided Man’s Need
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof. And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man (Gen 2:21-22). When God provided Adam’s need, He could have simply said, “Let there be a woman, and there would be a woman". But He chose to take a rib from him. Can you imagine that day when Adam opened his eyes and saw the woman whom God had provided for him and she was everything that he would have desired? One cannot fathom the joy that Adam must have felt in his heart. Every time Adam looked at Eve, there was a sense in which he felt, “You are a part of me, you are my rib.” There was a special connection. Thus Ephesians 5:28 says, So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
IV. God Ordained Man’s Relationship
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Gen 2:24). I used to think, “Where are mum and dad at this point in time?” There was no one at that time except Adam and Eve. Well, that is the wisdom of the all-knowing God, He knows the end from the beginning and here we see how God had ordained marriage and set up the home.
V. God Sanctified Man’s Relationship
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed (Gen 2:25). The relationship was not something that was based upon lust or perverseness. It was something that was beautiful in the eyes of God.
The simple truth is that God handled everything for Adam. Adam did not get involved, he did not have an opinion, he did not have a choice, he did not have twenty ladies to date around and find out who was the suitable one and what God provided was the best for him.
Marriage is a life-long commitment between the man and his wife for it is a permanent joining together, Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder (Matthew 19:6). Young men and women should have friends but they do not need to enter into a romantic relationship and start adopting the modern idea of dating to find out who is best for them. When people play games with something that God takes seriously, they are asking for trouble. The modern idea of dating opens the door that God has never intended for it to open.
My friends, if you desire to be married, to walk to the marriage altar, to start a family, to have all the blessings that come with marriage, the only way is not to follow the trends of modern dating but to humbly look to the One whose plan is always wonderful.
With love in Christ,
Pastor Paul
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