Colossians 3:19; Ephesians 5:25-33
~15 min read
💭 Consider this: Are you actively helping your spouse grow in Christ, or unintentionally hindering their walk? What does your prayer life reveal about how much you truly value your spouse’s soul?
TRANSCRIPT
hidden page for editing transcriptI greet you in the blessed name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Our text for today's message is taken from Colossians 3:19; “Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them.”
The word “bitter” is to be harsh or to cause them to grieve. It is worthy for us to consider Ephesians 5:25-33, which is a comprehensive biblical commentary on this verse.
Allow me to read for you Ephesians 5:25-33, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
Some of us here are already married for many years. Others have just started their marriage lives. Some plan to get married soon, while others are blessed with the ability to live a celibate life—just like the Apostle Paul who was enabled to be freed from the cares of this life to preach the gospel without distraction. Nonetheless, we want to know what are God's commands for the husband and the wife.
Marriage is the most important decision we make in life, perhaps second only to the decision we make for salvation. Therefore, it is important that we spend much time to understand what God has to say about marriage.
Last week, we dealt with God's instructions for the wives. Today we will be focusing on the husband. The title of our message is: “God's Instructions For The Family: The Christian Husband”
Husbands are to love their wives. But what kind of love is that? Here in this passage, Paul gave four qualities of this love that husbands ought to have for their wives. A love that is sacrificial, a love that is sanctifying, a love that is caring, and a love that is unbreakable.
I. A Sacrificial Love
Firstly, let us consider a love that is sacrificial.
Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it”.
The emphasis of the husband's love is on the Lord Jesus Christ—even as Christ loved the church. When Christ came into this world in human form, He knew that He would be mocked, ridiculed, rejected, beaten, crucified, and He would die a horrendous death on the cross of Calvary. From eternity past, He already knew what would be required of Him—a sacrificial love—if He wanted to provide a way of salvation for His people. Yet He came.
Do we deserve His love? Most certainly not. Romans 5:1 said, "But God commanded his love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
Christ’s sacrifice was purely grace. No one deserves to be saved, not you or me. No one deserves to be forgiven, to be cleansed, and to be given a place in the kingdom of heaven as a child of God. Christ died not for the lovely and worthy, but for the unloving and unworthy.
The world's love is totally different from Christ's love. The world's love is always focused on the object. A person is loved because of physical attractiveness, personality, status or some of the other characteristics that are deemed to be worthy of love.
But such love is fickle because as soon as the person loses those characteristics, he or she is no longer appealing. The moment the attractiveness disappears, the love also disappears. That is why so many marriages are falling apart. As soon as the wife loses her appeal, the romance and love is gone. And when that happens, the husband is also gone.
To all those young people who are praying for marriage and you are always focusing on the outward appearances, you can be 100% sure that her wrinkles will surely come. You can be 100% certain that her grey hair will surely come. The question is, will you still love her and will he still love you?
Christ loved us not because we are attractive or we deserve His love. If God were to love us as the world loves, then He would not have loved a single human being because none is worthy and deserving of His love.
The husband is not commanded to love his wife because of how she appears, or what she is, or what she is not, or whether she deserves his love or not. But rather it is God's will, God's instructions that the husband must love his wife.
Most certainly the husband would be attracted by his wife's beauty. He would admire certain virtues of hers, like kindness, gentleness, goodness. Such things are great blessings but they are not the basis of his love. They are not the bond of the marriage.
Even if those characteristics disappear, the husband is still under the same obligation to love his wife. In any case, he is under a greater obligation because she now needs him to help and restore her.
The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. How much did Christ love the Church? He gave Himself for it. The Church is the body of Christ—the believers. Christ loved us so much that He gave Himself to be crucified on the cross and shed His precious blood to save us from our sins.
Most of us may never have the chance to put our sacrificial love for our wives to the ultimate test. By that I mean like walking through a dark alley with your wife and then facing a robber with a knife and you have to shield your wife and say to the robber, ‘Take my life and spare my wife.’ Or you are standing in the middle of the road with your wife and you have to push her away while you alone face the incoming truck.
By the grace of God, we may never have the opportunity to show our love in those ways. However, we have countless opportunities to show our love daily.
Once a wife asked her husband, ’Dear, do you love me?’ The husband answered, ’I love you so much that I'm willing to die for you.’ The wife replied, ’I believe you, sincerely, but while you are waiting to die, can you just do something for me at least. Please help me to dry the dishes.’ Husbands, when the kitchen tap is leaking, it may not seem like a big deal, especially if we are totally exhausted at the end of the day, but if we were in the kitchen as much as our wives are, it would be like a never-ending waterfall.
If a loving husband is willing to sacrifice his life for his wife, he is certainly willing to make lesser sacrifices for her. He's willing to put aside his own desires, opinions, preferences, and welfare if that is required to meet her needs. A sacrificial love will cause us to pray for our wives as Christ prays for the church.
How often do we pray for our wives? We should be praying for her spiritual life, her struggles, her physical and emotional needs, daily, consistently and passionately.
A sacrificial love will cause us to be attentive to our wives, as Christ is always attentive to the Church. Remember the command is to love our wives as Christ loved the Church.
Do we take a trouble to listen to our wives or do we even spend time with them? A story was told of an old farmer and his wife who were lying in bed together during a storm when suddenly a tornado lifted up the roof of their house and carried up their bed away with them in it. As the bed was being carried up, the wife began to cry. The farmer called out to her that it was too late. But the wife replied that she couldn't help it and she was so happy.
‘So happy? What do you mean?’
‘Because this is the first time we have been out together in 20 years.’
That may be a joke, but it is a reality that some husbands just do not spend time with their wives. If we truly love our wives, then we will rejoice in their presence just as Christ rejoices in the presence of the Church. When our Lord Jesus sees all of us worshiping together as a body of believers, the Church, He rejoices. So listening to our wives, spending time with them would not be a struggle but a joy.
Husbands, do you love your wife with such a sacrificial love?
II. A Sanctifying Love
Our second point is ”A Sanctifying Love”.
In ancient times, it was common for many cultures that the bride to be will be taken to the river and then washed, in a ceremonial sense, to be cleansed from every defilement of her past life. Whatever her life had been in the past, it was now purified and she would enter the marriage without any moral or social blemish. The past was washed away.
Why did they do that? Because they wanted the bride to be presented to the bridegroom as someone pure and without blemish.
Of course, we know that we can never wash away our sins by the waters of the river, but only through the blood of Jesus Christ. Christ gave Himself for the Church not only to save her but also to sanctify her. That is why verse 26 and 27 said, “That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.”
The believer is forgiven the moment he trusts in Jesus as his Lord and Saviour. He becomes a new creature. Not yet a perfect creature, but a new creature. Only in the resurrection he will receive the perfect glorious body.
But as he lives his life in this mortal body, in this sin-tainted world, he's still constantly being troubled by sin. He may still fall into sin.
1 John 1:9-10 said, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.”
That is why every day of our lives, we need to be cleansed. We need to be sanctified. And the Word of God is the instrument of sanctification.
Dear friend, Jesus Christ is the Bridegroom and we the believers, the Church is His Bride. And it is His desire that we may present ourselves as His beloved Bride, having no spot or wrinkle, holy and without blemish. And then ultimately we will dwell together with Him forever and ever in His glorious presence.
When a husband loves his wife as Christ loves the Church, he will seek to purify her from every defilement. He will protect her from worldly contamination. He will protect her name, her holiness, virtue, and purity in every way possible. He will not tempt her to do that which is wrong. He will not introduce that which is ungodly. And he will not expose her to that which is immoral.
Once there was a husband who professed to be a believer and he openly said that he encouraged his wife to watch dirty movies together with him and he said the purpose was to enhance their marriage life. How terrible. Not only was he defiling himself, he was also defiling his wife. Instead of helping his wife to be sanctified, he was filling her mind with all kinds of immorality.
Dear friend, if you have a daughter and she's getting married, you want her husband to love her, to help her to grow spiritually and be sanctified, right? That would be the greatest desire of every Christian father. But do you realise that you yourself are also marrying someone's daughter? And not only that, if she is a believer, you are marrying a child of the almighty God. That is a tremendous responsibility.
Have you loved her? Have you helped her to grow spiritually? Ask yourself this question: Is my wife more and more like Christ since we got married? Or is my wife more and more like Christ in spite of me?
If you are driving your wife further and further away from Christ, God forbids the Lord be merciful to you because one day you have to stand before the almighty God to give an account because he has given the wife of your marriage to you and he holds you responsible.
Husbands, you must love your wife with a sanctifying love.
III. A Caring Love
Thirdly, it is a love that is caring.
Look at verse 28 and 29. “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:”
No one in the right frame of his mind would ever hate his own body. Instead, he will pay special attention to feed and care for his own body. People will spend large amounts of money and time to protect, nourish and decorate this body like never before. That is why today we have so many brands of health products and beauty shops everywhere. Well, there is nothing wrong with taking care of our bodies, but we should not sinfully overdo it.
I love junk food, especially those things that are unhealthy. My wife used to say to me, ’You must take care of your body. You don't seem to love your body.’ Actually, I love my body and I'm feeding it, but I'm feeding it the wrong way.
As Christians, our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and we should take proper care of it, giving it the right fruit, maintaining strength, getting enough rest, and so on and so forth.
But more importantly, we should take proper care of our spiritual lives. Engaging ourselves in spiritual activities like Bible reading, worship, prayers and Christian fellowships. When our physical and spiritual life is healthy, we have a sense of well-being.
A husband who loves his wife with a caring love will take care of her both spiritually and physically and she would also experience this sense of well-being.
As Christians, we are members of the body of Christ and he loves every member of his body. He nourishes us. He cares for us. He provides for all our needs because he loves us.
Remember Philippians 4:1 19 said, "But my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." As husbands, we love our wives with a caring love. So when she needs strength, we give her strength. When she needs encouragement, we give her encouragement. We give her comfort, protection, and security. We provide for her needs and help her to grow from strength to strength and from faith to faith.
In fact, the Apostle Peter said in 1 Peter 3:7 that husbands who did not love their wife like that, God would not hear their prayers. Why would God listen to a man who refused to obey His commandments or who doesn't even know how to treat his wife rightfully?
You and I know our own bodies, right? We understand how we feel physically. We are sensitive to our emotions and we are fully aware of our situations. But do we really understand our wives’ feelings and are we sensitive to their emotions?
Of course, we can never have perfect knowledge of our wives—no man can. But the command to love our wives as our own bodies requires us to work at understanding them just as we understand our own bodies.
I'm not suggesting an overconscious sensitivity. And you go around and pester your wife, ’How are you feeling? Are you sure you are all right? Are you really sure you are all right? I don't believe you. Now tell me exactly how you feel.’ Please don't do that.
But rather, exercise patience and a caring love, and set ourselves to work at understanding the struggles they are going through.
The key to achieve that is through communication. You communicate with yourself. I communicate with myself. I even talk to myself when I'm preaching, ‘Should I say this or should I say that?’ ‘Maybe this is not the right thing to say’ or ‘I should rather said that.’
If we love our wives as ourselves, then we must work at communication because it is only through communication that we are able to understand one another.
IV. An Unbreakable Love
So it is a sacrificial love, it is a sanctifying love, it is a caring love and finally it is “An Unbreakable Love”.
Verse 31 said, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”
Marriage is the oldest institution in this world. It was first instituted by God at the very beginning when He brought Eve to Adam. And He gave this same command in Genesis 2:4, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they too shall be one flesh.”
Marriage is a lifelong commitment. It is a total commitment and a total sharing of one person with another person.
Marriage is a strong bond. The man and the woman are both to leave their parents and come together in a new and unique relationship. It is a relationship that supersedes the parental relationship because of the oneness—one flesh.
You can be very close with your parents, but this marital relationship is never experienced in the same way with parents and children as it is with husbands and wives.
The man now cleaves onto his wife. The word “cleave” or join basically means to have a bone that cannot be broken. It can also mean to be glued.
So marriage is a consecration of two persons to each other which means ‘I am totally devoted and totally separated unto you’. Marriage does not allow itself to be broken because the man and the woman are now one flesh. No more two. You cannot divide one flesh. I often said, ‘You cannot half a person. Half a person is nobody.’ In God's view, they have become one in the union of marriage and God considers marriage as permanent.
Dear friend, there will be different challenges and problems in our marriage lives. But whatever be the issues of life, the husband must always remember this is my Eve whom God has given to me. And the wife must always remember, this is my Adam, whom God has given to me, and we must love one another till death do our part.
Marriage is a mystical union. It actually produces two people who are much the same person, one flesh. Not that the wife becomes the husband or the husband becomes the wife, but together they are one person.
There are three great mystical unions in the Bible. There is this mystical union of the three Persons in the Triune God. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.
And there is this mystical union of the two natures of Christ in one person. He's 100% God and 100% man.
And there's also this mystical union of the believers with Christ.
Here in this passage, Paul illustrated the relationship between a husband and wife with the union of the believer with Christ.
He said in verse 32, "This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church." Now, “mystery” is not like the novels that we read today. Biblical mystery is something that is hidden in the past like in the Old Testament but is now revealed to us in the New Testament.
In the past, the saints of old may not fully understand this mystery. But today in the New Testament with the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ, we are able to understand this mystery.
Who can ever fathom the greatness of this mystery that God's people, the believers will be united with God through faith in his only begotten son, Jesus Christ. No one can ever fathom that.
Christ loved the church with a sacrificial love, with a sanctifying love, with a caring love and a love that will never be broken. And based on this wonderful mystery, Paul said, ’Husbands, you are to love your wives as Christ loved the church.’
Finally, verse 33 said, "Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband."
A story was told of a couple who were married for many years and the wife started to have disagreements with the husband. The couple decided to resolve their issues by creating a box each and for a period of one month. Every day they will drop a slip of paper into their own box with a fault they find in their spouse. The purpose is that at the end of the month the other party would know what is the thing that irritates him or her.
As usual, the wife was very diligent in her efforts and approach, and she wrote, ’Forgetting to close the containers after use’, ’wet towels on the shower floor’, ’pressing the toothpaste in the middle instead of at the end’, ‘dirty socks left in the closet’. On and on and on, she wrote until the end of the month.
At the end of the month, after dinner, they had changed boxes. The husband sat quietly and reflected on what he had done wrong.
Then the wife opened her box and began reading, but they were all the same.
The message on each slip was this: “I love you.”
Indeed, a husband who loves his wife with such a love that is sacrificial, sanctifying, caring, and unbreakable will have no problem with his wife submitting to his authority.
Husbands, love your wife with a sacrificial love, a sanctifying love, a caring love, and an unbreakable love. “Till death do our part.” If you and I want a godly, happy, and blessed family, follow God's instructions. Follow His Word and we will never go wrong.
Let us pray.
Our Father in heaven, we give you thanks for this opportunity for us to study through the book of Colossians. And we have come to Colossians 3:1 19 of which we have considered Ephesians 5:25-33.
Indeed, these are Thy instructions for the family. And this morning, we have learned thy instructions for the Christian husband, how husbands ought to love their wives with a sacrificial love, a sanctifying love, a caring love, and an unbreakable love.
And we pray that we will take heed of all these instructions not just for head knowledge’s sake but for heart application, and for our life and practices that we will apply this in our own families. Husbands, love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it.
We want to follow Thy instructions and we know that the result would be a godly, happy and blessed family. All to Thy glory. We pray all this in Jesus' name.
Amen.
THE BOOK OF EPHESIANSAll Spiritual BlessingsAll Spiritual BlessingsEphesians 1:1-7
The Exceeding Greatness of His PowerThe Exceeding Greatness of His PowerEphesians 1:20-23
God’s WorkmanshipGod’s WorkmanshipEphesians 2:1-10
Message 1: Hindrances to a Personal Relationship with God (Part 1)Message 1: Hindrances to a Personal Relationship with God (Part 1)Ephesians 2:1-10
Message 1: The Nature of FaithMessage 1: The Nature of FaithEphesians 2:8, Hebrews 11:1
Message 2: Hindrances to a Personal Relationship with God (Part 2)Message 2: Hindrances to a Personal Relationship with God (Part 2)Ephesians 2:11-18
Reconciliation with GodReconciliation with GodEphesians 2:11-18
One Body, One Spirit, One BuildingOne Body, One Spirit, One BuildingEphesians 2:11-22
Unity Of The Church — Members Of The Household Of GodUnity Of The Church — Members Of The Household Of GodEphesians 2:18-19
The Amazing Prospect And Awesome Responsibility Of Being A ChristianThe Amazing Prospect And Awesome Responsibility Of Being A ChristianEphesians 2:19-22
God Is AbleGod Is AbleEphesians 3:20-21
Walking Worthy — In UnityWalking Worthy — In UnityEphesians 4:1-6
Walk Not as the GentilesWalk Not as the GentilesEphesians 4:17-24
A Walk to RememberA Walk to RememberEphesians 4:17-32
Be Ye Followers Of GodBe Ye Followers Of GodEphesians 5:1-2
Be Careful How You LiveBe Careful How You LiveEphesians 5:15-17
God’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian WifeGod’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian WifeColossians 3:17-18; Ephesians 5:22-24
Message 6: What is a healthy and strong marriage? One that obeys God’s model!Message 6: What is a healthy and strong marriage? One that obeys God’s model!Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 5:22-33
God’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian HusbandGod’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian HusbandColossians 3:19; Ephesians 5:25-33
Honour and Obey Thy ParentsHonour and Obey Thy ParentsDeuteronomy 5:16; Ephesians 6:1-3
Message 7: What are children for? Heritage of godly seed for Christ!Message 7: What are children for? Heritage of godly seed for Christ!Psalm 127:3, Malachi 2:15, Ephesians 6:4
Be PrayerfulBe PrayerfulEphesians 6:18
